Monday, April 26, 2010

Self Doubt

Yesterday as I sewed a little wall hanging for a friends baby my brother asked me how I had come to chose sewing as a hobby. I said I really did not know but its been on my mind for a long time and now its become some what of an obsession. Then he said something like this:

... hmm... so you're sitting here sewing pretty butterflies and happy colors fooling yourself that you are doing something useful with yourself when really you're just wasting your life away...

He said he was joking later but I must admit the thought has crossed my mind many times. I'm 30 and only now beginning to sew and I want to be a quilter! Will I be any good? I have no background in design or textile or art... I only see and feel and am drawn to fabric and color and textures... am I fooling myself?

Should I have started earlier? Is it too late?

Am I fooling myself thinking that I can be a quilter?

But... there's really nothing else I want to do! I want to quilt, I want to sew, I want to work with fabric and color... its all I read about or research or think about. I really don't want to do anything else!

And for the first time in my life I can say that I know what I want to do! For the first time something has grabbed me and consumes me... for the very first time in 30 years! If I don't do this... I don't want to do anything.

2 comments:

  1. stick with it!!! you sound like you really found something that drives you. And can one baby be more precious and deserving than another? As for wasting life away...do you really think all the quilters you respect and admire so much have wasted their lives away? When you have found joy, it is infectious, and that in itself will be such a blessing to be around. Can't wait to see some of these in reality some day!

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  2. :) I know I can always count on you... :) no I definitely don't think the quilters are wasting their lives! I just don't know if I'd be half as good as them...

    But I think this time round I'm going to work on it as long as it takes to be good at it...

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